"There is nothing noble about being superior to some other man. True nobility is being superior to your previous self."
- Hindu proverb
It's funny to be writing about a new dream. I think that the last time that I decided to really chase dreams was when I was 10 years old, not even in high school yet.
I was very naive about the real world, hungry to be independent but at the same time oblivious and uncaring of what tomorrow brings. And, like many Filipino children, I dreamt of the most simplest things in life. Obvious things. Basic needs. It took me 20 years to realized them. What they are?
1) Security
2) Happiness and
3) True Love
I said to myself, one day I'll have a job, earn my own money and buy my own little house where I can spend the rest of my life writing, reading, doing things that I love and watching TV.
In short, a place to bum around. LOL!
Kidding aside, I just want a place to call my home.
A safe place to be myself and a place of rest to everyone who will enter it.
See how simple my dreams are back then? ^_^.
And, after being able to find myself that home I can call my own, I want to meet a prince that will sweep me off my feet . A prince who will be a good father to our future kids, who will respect and appreciate the writer in me and will join me in my movie marathons after we get married. Lol! ^_^
Luckily, I am happy to say that after 20 years, all my dreams came true.
And, better than what I expect it to be.
Although our future kids are still in the making! lol! ^_^.
And, better than what I expect it to be.
Although our future kids are still in the making! lol! ^_^.
It took a long while to realize it. Looking back, I wasn't really blessed with many resources and not a lot of positive support was around. It took a whole lot of focus and sacrifices. I had a lot of failures, made a lot of very bad mistakes, mountain heap of regrets, setbacks and more setbacks, a lot of things was needed to be given up and sometimes ties from people who even though are close to my heart were cut-off painfully because they just drains all the positive energy out of me.
And so, a lot of times I really doubted myself and questioned God's plan for me. There were times when I feel that my dream is just too simple and too stupid to begin with. I also felt guilty because I saw myself a discontent and ungrateful person. Maybe I'm just reaching for the moon. Maybe it's not meant for me.
And, I did struggle with that thinking with God. Sometimes, I still do.
I was raised to think that I should be happy where I am and be content of what I got.
But I learned after this experience that just like the Hindu proverb above, there is nothing wrong nor prideful nor vain if you want to better yourself and pursue happiness.
"To be superior to your past self is true nobility."
And, God is the only one who knows what's best for any of us anyway, so even if we get sidetracked along the way, and encountered many set backs, in the end, we'll still end up on a road towards His will.
We just need to choose which road to take, take the first step and never give up. ^_^
And so, a lot of times I really doubted myself and questioned God's plan for me. There were times when I feel that my dream is just too simple and too stupid to begin with. I also felt guilty because I saw myself a discontent and ungrateful person. Maybe I'm just reaching for the moon. Maybe it's not meant for me.
And, I did struggle with that thinking with God. Sometimes, I still do.
I was raised to think that I should be happy where I am and be content of what I got.
But I learned after this experience that just like the Hindu proverb above, there is nothing wrong nor prideful nor vain if you want to better yourself and pursue happiness.
"To be superior to your past self is true nobility."
And, God is the only one who knows what's best for any of us anyway, so even if we get sidetracked along the way, and encountered many set backs, in the end, we'll still end up on a road towards His will.
We just need to choose which road to take, take the first step and never give up. ^_^
However, if I'd go back in time and have to face everything again, I am not sure I will make it the second time around. To be honest, I am still dumbfounded a lot of times thinking how I made it through the past twenty years especially during the hard times. For those who knew me, they will describe me as a detail oriented, determined, stubborn planner-to-the-dot type of person but the truth is, I can't really take all the credit and say that I have strategically planned everything out so that it will turn out that way.
All I do remember was I was always praying to God, praying that He does not let go of me even if my stubborn nature tells Him otherwise. And, I think God really heard me and pitied me that time. ^_^.
He really made things happened and rolling for me.
And that's when I realized that it was truly God who makes things grow and not us.
We are just his workers here planting the seeds.
But, life does go on as they say. It doesn't end when you've reached your dreams.
God's plan is still on.
As long as we have life, we should continue planting the seeds of hope, faith and everything good.
Continue in our pursuit of happiness ^_^
It was my husband (a.k.a Prince Charming) who made me realized this.
This was when I was telling him my journey.
I found myself expressing to him that at age 30, despite having my bucket list around to fulfill, I feel like I am a little bit lost and confused of where I want my life to go and what I want to do with my life. You see, the moment that my dreams came true, I lost my job.
And, I have never been out of work before. Never. I am always working even when I was a student.
And, so the past year, I have tried to get used to the long hours of being at home. I have been busy with home improvement projects and I'd occasionally volunteer my time to assist in community projects but I still sometimes feel jet lagged from that very long time when I was in the heart of the rat race.
I am so hanged up reliving my past glories and experiences.
I am tempted to work again. I thought that the solution to this restlessness is to be back in that bustling corporate life. But, I don't want to go back for the wrong reasons.
That would not be fair and I know that I will not be happy.
So with so many idle time around. The questions I asked now are:
What now? What's next?
I suddenly hit a brick wall and I felt stucked.
My husband only said to me: Ok lang yan (It's ok), just find a new dream.
I realized right then how lucky I am to have married a very smart man. With his few words, he made me realized that I haven't decided on a new dream yet.
A dream or set of dreams that will define me for the next twenty or more years. A new me, the future me.
I also realized that I am scared and I am resisting to deviate from the life that I was and had known to be, my previous self. To surpass the hungry, ambitious and determined corporate girl from Olongapo who is so stiff and serious about life, the one who worked a lot and spend a lot of her time in the office, and so focused in reaching her dreams and better herself financially would be a big challenge and nearly impossible to do.
But I guess, that is the key in moving forward again. To surpass my previous self.
To decide who I want to be.
To handle myself better when I make mistakes and fails.
Forgive myself as soon as possible whenever I had any regrets.
Be more laid back and relaxed. Have fun. Be a more loving wife. A good mother.
Continue writing more and do things that I love and makes me happy. Live a lot. Create more room. Spread my wings more. Expand my boundaries. Test my limitations. Surpass my expectations of me.
Surprise myself.
My new dream: True nobility.
All I do remember was I was always praying to God, praying that He does not let go of me even if my stubborn nature tells Him otherwise. And, I think God really heard me and pitied me that time. ^_^.
He really made things happened and rolling for me.
And that's when I realized that it was truly God who makes things grow and not us.
We are just his workers here planting the seeds.
But, life does go on as they say. It doesn't end when you've reached your dreams.
God's plan is still on.
As long as we have life, we should continue planting the seeds of hope, faith and everything good.
Continue in our pursuit of happiness ^_^
It was my husband (a.k.a Prince Charming) who made me realized this.
This was when I was telling him my journey.
I found myself expressing to him that at age 30, despite having my bucket list around to fulfill, I feel like I am a little bit lost and confused of where I want my life to go and what I want to do with my life. You see, the moment that my dreams came true, I lost my job.
And, I have never been out of work before. Never. I am always working even when I was a student.
And, so the past year, I have tried to get used to the long hours of being at home. I have been busy with home improvement projects and I'd occasionally volunteer my time to assist in community projects but I still sometimes feel jet lagged from that very long time when I was in the heart of the rat race.
I am so hanged up reliving my past glories and experiences.
I am tempted to work again. I thought that the solution to this restlessness is to be back in that bustling corporate life. But, I don't want to go back for the wrong reasons.
That would not be fair and I know that I will not be happy.
So with so many idle time around. The questions I asked now are:
What now? What's next?
I suddenly hit a brick wall and I felt stucked.
My husband only said to me: Ok lang yan (It's ok), just find a new dream.
I realized right then how lucky I am to have married a very smart man. With his few words, he made me realized that I haven't decided on a new dream yet.
A dream or set of dreams that will define me for the next twenty or more years. A new me, the future me.
I also realized that I am scared and I am resisting to deviate from the life that I was and had known to be, my previous self. To surpass the hungry, ambitious and determined corporate girl from Olongapo who is so stiff and serious about life, the one who worked a lot and spend a lot of her time in the office, and so focused in reaching her dreams and better herself financially would be a big challenge and nearly impossible to do.
But I guess, that is the key in moving forward again. To surpass my previous self.
To decide who I want to be.
To handle myself better when I make mistakes and fails.
Forgive myself as soon as possible whenever I had any regrets.
Be more laid back and relaxed. Have fun. Be a more loving wife. A good mother.
Continue writing more and do things that I love and makes me happy. Live a lot. Create more room. Spread my wings more. Expand my boundaries. Test my limitations. Surpass my expectations of me.
Surprise myself.
My new dream: True nobility.
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